locker rooms

Boogers and Bugs

DSC_0383I’m not sure if there’s much in common about the biological make-up of bugs and boogers, but I do know that many of them suffer the same fate: squished on the walls of a locker room.

I’ve seen plenty of bugs crawling and flying around a locker room. I notice them and then go about my business. I really don’t feel anything toward them, nothing extreme anyway. Some gentlemen, apparently, become so enraged at the sight of a bug in the locker room that they smash the little critter, and as a warning to other bugs, the smasher leaves the gooey carcass smeared against the wall.

No other bug brings greater wrath on itself in a locker room than the drain fly. These miniscule things fly about locker rooms with seemingly no purpose other than to fly around locker rooms; yet, guys in locker rooms detest these eighth-of-an-inch creatures. I’m guessing every 90 seconds a drain fly loses its life to locker room rage. (citation needed)

BAM! Another drain fly smeared on tiles.

Sometimes I find the body of a spider squished next to a drain fly. Dudes! Don’t squish the spiders. They eat the drain flies. So, if you hate drain flies, leave the spiders.

The walls of a locker room after a while become a sort of bug cemetery, which I guess could be thought of as noble or respectful, but then guys go ahead and vandalize the bug mausoleum with boogers.

Some locker rooms aren’t stocked with tissues, so I understand the need to sometimes use a finger to dig out a morning crusty annoyance, but why discard it on the wall? There’s a sink there, and a trash can there, and some paper towels there. In fact, there are many opportunities for appropriately trashing one’s snot. I can vouch for these other methods, for I use them frequently. I prefer the booger to tissue method when available, but I’ve also been known to use a dampened paper towel.

Above urinals seem to be a common place to vandal the drain fly’s final resting place. I guess, while a dude stands there to relieve himself, he decides, “I’m gonna pick my nose and smear it on the wall.” I can’t verify this thought process. It’s only a theory.

When I’m standing at a urinal, I’m not really thinking anything — probably because I’m looking at all the blotches of bugs and boogers.